I’ve often related myself to Bible characters. Sometimes I’ve felt like Job and other times like Judas. But these were mere allegories for some grand emotion. I felt like Job because I had this feeling that I’d lost everything but in retrospect I’ve never quite come close to meeting a heartache like Job so in reality I only used the name to express an emotion not an actual connection with the historic figure of Job.
I think we do that with many things in our lives. We’ll equate ourselves to said historical or mythological character (yes, Dawson’s Creek falls under the mythological category) to personify our emotional state but it really goes only so deep as our perception of the characters depth and so only as far as we see the character grow are we able to grow with that particular emotion until we find another figure to leech off of.
Now, thats not necessary a bad thing because, after all, thats the importance of "father figures" and such. They are people whos personalities we steal for a little while until we can find our own. Afterwards we return the majority of the stolen personality leaving only those parts we truly loved but as I’ve found, with my own father, some parts I didn’t love so much have remained in me as well.
But I feel much more connected to Saint Joseph then just some historical figure only mentioned a few small times in scripture. No, I feel as if I am truly and spiritually connected to the man. Not some myth hanging out for everyone to see but rather a real, living, breathing human being who, amongst other human attributes, could feel. Which I guess thats the way in which I relate to him the most. Not so much in the ability to feel part but in the how he must have felt part.
Joseph had a lot to live up to. By all rational standards Jesus had the ultimate dead beat dad. Now, I’m not saying that to put God in some uncaring father category but rather to say that it was Gods master plan that Jesus would be raised by a man not a God. So in that particular way Jesus choosing God as His Father over Joseph is not so much a betrayal of Joseph as His father but rather an example of how we should all turn to God as ultimate Father of all.
But I bet it didn’t feel that way for Joseph.
When I say that I feel connected to Joseph I guess what I really mean is I don’t feel like his prototype but his anti-type. Whereas Joseph knew that Jesus was in better care once His true Father, God the Father, came around to show Him "the way"... I don’t feel so much confidence for my stepdaughter.
Whereas Joseph could release Jesus into His full destiny and capacity by allowing Him to follow His true father... I feel as if I would be betraying Kira over to an awful fate.
So I am stuck at a horrible impasse. On one hand I feel a hundred percent joined with Kira as father, dad, daddy, dadda because she loves me and sees me as that figure. She obeys me like I’m her father and disobeys me like I’m her father. She doesn’t confuse my role in the household and she loves me with all her heart. I’m sure Joseph felt that way with Jesus. Jesus being perfect child would have obviously given undying love to the man who was chosen to raise Him.
But in reality Joseph would have felt powerless and its in that sense of feeling powerless that I probably most deeply connect to the heart of Saint Joseph. I feel just that, powerless.
But whereas Joseph should have felt powerless because on the biological paternal end of Jesus was God and God does make us feel powerless often times and thats ok. So Josephs sense of losing power is really found imbedded in us all when we hand over our free will and accept Gods ultimate will.
However, on the bio end of this situation is a man far from God. So what am I supposed to do? Allow Kira, my daughter by choice, to go be around a man who only cares about her on a surface level? Who parades her around like a bad Adam Sandler movie just to get chicks? Should she be raised around hatred, weapons, drugs and filth?
No child should but I am powerless. It does not matter that I love Kira as my daughter and have made a life choice to support her with love and finances. No what matters in this country is that Rocco, for some useless stupid time in history, supplied his genetic surplus to the creation of this beautiful little girl and now she’s to suffer for it because he supplies nothing else.
If you cornered him and asked him he’d say he loves her. But love and concern are not the same thing. Though when we love we have concern for others; simply having concern does not come from having love for an individual but rather can come from all sorts of other sources, such a pride for example.
But no he does not love her. Because when we love someone we change anything and everything we can to make sure they are safe and happy and well. Especially for babies. If he loved her he’d kick the drugs and stop drinking and driving and stop being violent. He wouldn’t tend bar all night long and drink until five in the morning during the six days a month he’s allowed to see her. He wouldn’t subject her to being around confusing woman who won’t be there next week only to have to meet some other woman wanting to see Rocco pretend to be a dad for a day.
Love is not based on cash or credit its based on time and effort. I’ve known dads who are truly loving dads who only get to see there kids one month a year. Those persons fighting over seas for years on end during this war love there children and some of them have yet to hold them.
So I guess in a sense I’ve done it again. Because I’m nothing like Saint Joseph either. Because just as Mary was perfect mother, Joseph is perfect stepfather and I fall somewhere far from that tree.
- The Rev.
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